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answers & opinions
2003-07-14 | 11:35 a.m. i sit in the dark searching for answers pain inside grows and is spreading like cancer everyone here says that i never listen but what do they know i still havnt learned any lessons people always say that im a strong person i say fuck you, burn in hell my conditions cant worsen almost as soon as its said i regret those words i wish i were dead would it matter to any one at all, in any way its harder to carry on harder everyday i carry my load and try not to complain why waste my breath who wants to hear of my pain people say "OH! i DO!! Oooh, oooh,oooh! pick me pick me!!" 5 minutes into the convo the obvious signs you can see "yup, yup, mhm, quite right, quite right i gotta take a shit i love you, you know ill call you later tonight" i dont know when later is it seems never to come just me and the dial tone in a dark, empty room i put on some music i try to sing along at first its ok then everything jus goes wrong tears start to form and roll down my cheek my aunt says "itll get better" yah, when, forever and a week?? all of this pain gets converted to anger i need flasny lights and a big sign that says danger i sometimes think to myself why me god? what for? i dont know for how long or if i can take anymore but i keep right on truckin "WHY?!?" you might gasp well, i dont know go find some on smarter to ask everyones got opinions and most of them stink jus like undeoderized armpits now go give that a good think you prolly think im insane fat, stupid or crazy, retarded and ugly or got my head in a dazy so dont bother to tell me because i dont care yup, you heard me eat them apples, so there the answers i seek i alone will find and the day that i do ill leave this shit behind dont worry im sure it'll be a while keep on with the torture ill try to take it w/ a smile behind the smile my scared heart breaks its going to end up a pile of flakes what seems a hundred years later its some what back together with little pieces missing like dog chewed leather yup, you do just that leave me out for the dogs some day my ship will come in will come in thru the fog and take me to a far away place without backstabbers and liars where everythings great oh, what a thought its completely twacked even in my dreams its not possible i make myself laugh back to the drawing table starting again i think itd be easier to have imaginary friends but even they let you down they're too quite and are never around to be honest, i wish that for perhaps jus a few moments that it could be just you and me id tell you it all and you'd really understand we'd talk thru it all and youd take me by the hand the world would come back to life we would never argue or fight we'd fall deeper in love all in the world would be right back to reality, alone in a room here i am on the floor the medicine cabinets open there's a lock on the door what am i going to do? damned if i know im searching for answers ill let you know
i wrote this last night.. yesterday sucked.. plain and simple.. everything is changing and there is nothing i can do to stop it.. i dont know what to do anymore.. life is so completley rediclous... ahhhhhhhhhhh
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