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free, free at last
2003-08-11 | 12:11 p.m. ive got last song stuck in my head.. and ive put it on like 3 times already.. so i wont torture you again lol.. its so appropriate for me at the moment... despite the happenings of today, im extremely happy.. darn, im gettin good at this.. ok, 1st i dont know if my brother gave my dad the "note" (grrr), 2) i have to watch isaiah BRIGHT n EARLY in the mornin, 3) i dont feel good... 4) i guess could be that i was talkin to jake and he left w/o saying he had to.. but im sure he had a reason so im not going to think anything.. i dunno where shebah is once again but im getting off the pc at 12 so hopefully i get to talk to her tomorrow.. and hopefully zach gets his ass on b/c he still doesnt know about our saturday plans... jake isnt sure if he can go but he's gonna see tomorrow *pluheeeeeeeeeeeze GOD!!*... mikey is deff going.. *YAY!!!* and prolly but i dunno, Duda.. whoot whoot... i only have 2 more english questions to do.. out of 9.. woooooo im on a roll... not really.. i feel rather boring tonight... but im happy.. weird how that works out.. Bolstridge said she'd call me this mornin... well she was at tylers.. all fucking day... i appreciate her concerns so i will no longer be telling her jack-squat... she shows no interest or concern when she knows im havin shitty moments.. w/e.. too bad.. ive got this to vent to.. i talked to danielle twice.. once in a somewhat desperate moment lol.. i feel soooooo stupid.. ok, i tried calling charlie like 6 times today... and he wouldnt fucking answer.. so i called him, called bolstridge again (then i found out where she was) and called him back.. he finally answered.. at first he tried making up some lame ass excuse about him only having 3 mins on his celly and wanting to buy a phonecard to call me.. and im like yaaaaah riiiiiight... so we had a little small talk.. a verrrrrrry little.. and a looooooot of looooonnnnnnng pauses.. at one point he says "you live waaaaaay too far the fuck away" and then his phone is breaking up.. and hes like "hello?" and i was like "hi??" an he goes "did you hear what i said?" i say "nope, your phone sux" and he goes "i dont think this is working out" and i say "i dont think it is either" and he says "well maybe we should stop trying??" and i said "yah, i think we should".. and then he said "i gtg. bye".. it pissed me off.. not the dumping part (*relief* lol) but the *we should stop trying* part.. he DIDNT TRY.. he STOPPED trying a looooong time ago... or he never started.. what im wondering is why the HELL he bothered trying to sap his way thru this... the last email was something to the extent of "im glad we can make things work, you live far away but if i get to see you and hear from you im happy".. what a crock of shit... w/e tho... as in the words of Shebah, *its all gud* (hahaha her lil slang)... i called danielle and cried a little.. not of a broken heart and im not depressed at all.. lol.. but it was jus hitting me that when we said bye, that it was... goodbye.. if shit hadnt happened.. but you know what?? fuck that.. shit did happen and im not going to live in the what ifs and has beens.. ive done that too long.. thats 99.99% of my problem right there.. we wouldnt have gone back out and i wouldnt have stayed w/ him if i hadnt thot of *how things could be if...* this happened or shit like that.. which was what i was doing.. not any more.. im takin moles advice, im gonna start fresh this school year... *sigh* sounds.. refreshing?? talking to my nin, i miss her.. camp rocked.. i think i wanna go 2 weeks next year if i can get her n sheb to go.. nin at least ONE of the weeks.. b/c she works her ass off.. neways, im gonna go, my bed is calling.. so are pills.. mmmmm lol j/k... until tomorrow |