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Wasting words on lowercases and capitals
11.16.03 | 12:21 am ok, i dont know what to write in here any more.. nothing makes sence.. last weekend i met this great guy named eben.. he lives in westbrook which is on the other side of portland.. aka like 2 hours away... so im not sure how its gonna work out.. but i do like him.. hes a sweety.. n hes huuge lol. a big teddy.. *sigh* but then.. theres jason.. him n i were quite chummy in preschool (him n me n shaun) i was the first person besides his mom that he knew w/ red hair.. well, i moved after kidnergarten n came back in 6th grade we automatically clicked.. we were in the eagles together (yah, they had our grade sectioned into 4 groups to take our 4 main classes with.. there were the hawks, the ospreys, the falcons n the eagles..) n i think we had homeroom/advisor/studyhall together too.. but to make a long story short, i liked him.. all year. n i guess i decided that it was hopeless.. n we're still really good friends.. last year he was, no offence, quite the ass.. he had a little ego problem (or should i say BIG ego problem) n we only had band together.. he plays tuba (in grades 6-8 he played alto w/ me..) n i play alto sax so he sits in the back row, i sit in the front.. n we didnt talk.. this year however, we have 2nd 1/2 of 2nd period studyhall together (soon to be changing next semester :-(.. ) n so we sit together n talk.. n lately things have been a little weird... like the whole butterflies in the belly type thing.. ok, so we had a dance friday.. i was walkin to band at the end of lunch n i saw jason in the hall.. he was talking w/ curt n i dunno who else.. i smacked curt on the way by n went to give jason a love pat to the head but instead he gave me five n started walkin w/ me (understand that this has never happened before..) n he was talkin about band n this n that.. n then i was like "so, you goin to the dance?" n hes like "i dunno maybe.. or i might go to the movies.." i said "i dont know if i really wanna go.. if i do go can i hang out w/ you?" n hes like "yeah, sure.." n so i made him promise that hed be there.. fast forward thru band, im home.. hes on aol but away so i sent him messages telling him i was deff going so he better.. fast forward to the dance.. i got there, scott was there (ok, i didnt write about the halloween dance i dont think BUT i will later.. eventually) n so i was avoiding him (n i was SUCCESSFUL this time THANK YOU GOD!!) n i didnt see jason in the dance room so i went to the gym n sure enuff he was in there shooting hoops (n i was having the little butterflies shooting thru my belly) well, if you remember tyler.. n his sister jess.. n how she hates me b/c shes all pals w/ jen n charlie n all the shit that happened that was in no way my fault but she hated me anyways.. wellllll she transferred.. i dunno where to nor do i care.. so she was at the dance.. n she was all stoned n buzzin n shit.. n she was following me n ash n mia around.. so jason came out of the gym n went to the cafe (dance room) we heard a song we liked so we all ran in to dance.. we have these cubby thingers in the left corner when you walk into the cafe.. n at dances thats where we put our shit.. so we went over to put our drinks w/ our sweat shirts.. jason is sittin in the corner w/ puddin n guy n sasha n ppl.. n so he gives me fives n is all :D :D to see me (n im the same lol) n jess is like OMG OMG n BLAH BLAH BLAH n pulls up a chair.. so im dancing n she keeps coming over n shit.. n id go see jason n shed be there.. n she wanted some one to grind w/.. n so jason was her prime target (n in case you care, he dont dance, unless its a slow song) so yah, she blah blah n hes trying to get her to give him a lap dance.. (mind you shes a cheerleader..) so yah, for the first hour n 1/2 of this he'd get up n leave.. n then he started touchin her n stuff.. n then she left 30 mins before the dance was over.. n he got up n went to the gym.. i went n sat by him during the last song.. so much for hanging out.. n wtf was i thinking?? were always gonna be jus friends b/c w/ the guys at my school thats all i can be.. other guys, mainly older guys, see me as gf potential.. but they're like 20.. n my parents would shit the bed awake if i did that.. plus me n jason are reallllllllllly good friends n i dont wanna go be fuckin that up too b/c i already have enuff friends issues... i wish december would hurry n come so i could see about transferring.. o and one more thing before i go.. sams dad.. jess is having a hearing about custody so she can move home.. n of course, barton heard.. n for some reason he isnt so keen on it (maybe b/c hes gonna have to pay more child support... or because hes single again n needs some one to bug..) HE HASNT SEEN SAMANTHA SINCE SHE WAS SIX MONTHS OLD!!! n now he wants too.. i guess him n jess had some agreement that if he met sam she could move home to maine w/ jess.. so he was supposed to meet them at wendys one day this week.. (saturday? friday? one of em) n he was supposed to meet em there at 1.. they got there at 12:45 n left at 2:45 w/o him showing up.. i can jus imagine how upset sammie was.. jess said she was.. grrr its so fuckin unfair.. she hasnt seen him in 3 n 1/2 years so its not like growing up w/o him b/c he left my sister n went back to his x-wife n his other kids isnt bad enough. n now, he stands her up.. how is that? being stood up at age 4.. im 16 n i dont think its happened to me yet.. i wish i could be there for her.. my heart is jus broken.. here she is, having to go through some of the same stuff i am but being about a quarter of the age.. stuff that i can barely handle.. she is gonna be one tough cookie.. fuck it, she already is.. ok, thats enuff for now.. ill write about the halloween dance n shit later.. remind me!! |